When missing me isn’t the same as respecting me

Mar 28, 2026

Choosing peace over familiarity starts with…

... discernment and continues with upholding our boundaries.

Remember when we were kids and the anticipation we felt around the last day of school?

Phone numbers were exchanged. ☎️

Plans were made. 🤿

Hugs were a little bit tighter. 🫂

Yearbook messages were witty and lengthy. ✍🏽

Saying goodbye was a skill we were still figuring out. How do we say goodbye without it seeming final?

The first of school, the following school year, was filled with newness. New teachers, new schedule, new outfits. 👟

But in between all the new were the old familiar faces. That smile that you missed. The inside jokes you’ve been waiting to giggle over again. Familiar.

The reunion we’ve been itching for. The “I missed you” that fills up our love tanks.

As adults, however, we've learned that not every "I miss you" hits the same.

When it comes from an ex... 😒

When it comes from your best friend that you haven't seen for a while... 😍

When it comes from that one person who always has their hand out... 😒

I miss you doesn't hit the same every time.

So, we learn to investigate motives before deciding on whether or not to receive that gesture.

If you’ve ever felt guilty for doubting someone’s intentions, then I’m giving you permission to investigate.

Because you’re using discernment.

Discerning whether or not this person is safe to interact with or to be in relationship with.

This week I got a “I miss you” message.

I paused to see how my body reacted, what thoughts popped into my head, and whether or not this person makes my feel safe.

Safety isn’t always a qualifier for whether or not to be in a relationship. Because sadly, many of us weren't taught to prioritize safety.

And I’m not talking about the extreme examples. But the everyday ones that many of us face. When we have to choose between safety or getting something that we want. Not realizing that there are spaces where we can have both.

So here’s your reminder.

You have a say.

The choice is yours.

Prioritize your safety.

Say no to the person who doesn’t value your opinion, is constantly competing with you, and values only what you can give them.

Challenge the relationship that’s quid-pro-quo.

Be ok with walking away from the space where you’re the butt of the jokes.

Get up and leave the person who goes from 0 to 100 instantly when you say something they don’t like. Whose temper is your fault and is constantly apologizing but not changing their behaviors.

Here is the thing, too many of us were conditioned to stay.

Be their solid place to land, they said. Show devotion by always being there. They could change, so it would be wrong to leave, right?

It’s time to learn how to leave. How to say no. How to ask for what you deserve.

Understand when to be patient and when being patient will cause you self-harm.

This week they told me that they miss me.

To this day, they haven’t acknowledged that they’ve hurt me deeply. Instead, they’ve expressed their disappointment in my “lack of forgiveness.”

So instead of opening the door to further gaslighting, I gave myself permission to walk away.

This post is a lesson on how we build trust in our selves. How standing up for yourself in this way builds your confidence. Because you’ll need that confidence in the future. When the next challenging decision arises.

This post is also about giving you permission to walk away from unsafe spaces. There is nothing there worth your peace and well-being.

Let’s be honest with ourselves.

When are we saying yes when it should be no? 👀

What friend comes to mind that seems to struggle with trusting themselves to be ok without that person?

Maybe when you were little, you had no say or power to walk away or say no. 💔

We’ve all been there or know someone who has been there. Maybe you’re there right now. Maybe you know someone who is there right now.

Just know that you’re not alone. 💯

I’m continually learning how to protect my peace. I’m proud of my progress! 🙌🏽

I want the same for you! I also want you to continue to learn how to protect your peace.

This community we're building on Substack is a safe one. Where your voice matters. Your thoughts have value.

I'm glad that you're here! To my subscribers, thank you so much for taking that extra step and being a part of this space. 🫶🏽

Let us know where you're at on the journey of protecting your peace. 👇🏽 I can't wait to support you. 💙

Shana's Stack

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